This pretty much sums up how I feel! Hahah!
Feeling pretty excited about 2020, and I took a very brave (for me) step today! I intend for it to not be the last time this year I take that step. Thank God for tools and resources to help me feel calm, when I do hard things!
As I'm cranking things out, I reflect on the gravity of the next few weeks. In the next few weeks, we'll buy a house and a car, probably a lot of other things like a grill, towels, furniture, and window treatments.
We'll find a new store, a new hairdresser, meet neighbors, and go to new churches and chapels. It's all gonna be different. Thanking God for grounding and stability in Him, through all these changes. He is so good, and His love never changes.
So for today, I'm hiding in Him. He is my fortress and strength, and a very present help in time of trouble. He is enough!!!
What are you doing today? What are you feeling wonky about, that I can encourage you in or pray for you about?
We are in the middle of an overseas move, and everything has been going fantastically smoothly, until we arrived in Ramstein AFB today to take our overseas flight home.
For the first time, we encountered challenges in getting back. There was a young couple traveling with us, and they have two very young children. They are going on to Alabama upon arriving back, and really want to get back for Christmas.
I really felt compelled to model something different, not to tell her how to live, but to show her another way to live.
This whole scenario caused me to really want to evaluate what really matters, and what is really in our control. What really matters to me is that we're safe and not stressed, and that we recognize God really is dictating where we are and what we are doing.
Then I decided this model was for me. It was really important for me to savor these moments for my family, and remember that my integrity really comes down to how I act even when no one is watching. Now, plenty of people have been watching and how I carry myself and think about my situation does matter. But more important is what I do, JUST because.
So, I embraced taking this day as it comes. As a result, some powerful things happened. We got to see a friend, who took me to the commissary. We made plans to have dinner tomorrow with friends. We watched "Die Hard," which I had never seen before! We had a nice dinner, and I got to completely reconfigure our suitcases. We chatted with a bunch of friends.
It was a poignant day just because we practiced paying attention. I will do that again, because this day has been filled with such meaning! And I believe we got to teach our kids a lesson I wasn't ready to learn at that age, a lesson in gratitude, and making the most of every situation.
I've had an extreme amount of things to say lately.So why haven't I shared them?I think it starts with interpersonal interactions. We have so many on a daily basis, right? It used to be said that the average person knew about 250 people. Then, about 20 years ago, the average person knew about 600. Now, I would bet the number is over 1000! So many relationships. So many interactions.
I care about you deeply. You may or may not realize it. When you share an opinion with me I don't share, I tuck that back there, and I remember it. I tailor my speech so you don't have to hear something you don't agree with. I care about you, and I care about our connection, that much. I'm a deep feeler. When you hurt, I hurt. I want our connection to make sense and to make you feel comfortable. I'm just sharing where I'm at. I'm not saying this is a good way to be, or a good approach to life. I'm actually starting to see that it stinks.
Why?
Because I care about you, I let you preserve your voice. By not letting myself preserve my voice because you may not like what I have to say, I silence my voice. What am I telling myself through that action?I'm not loving myself as I try to love you.
This is not working for me.
I have a vision to care, to speak into people.I'm cutting myself off at the knees by not offering myself the same opportunity.
So I'm trying to find that voice again, the one I've squelched so MUCH so you could feel comfortable.
Who is that "you?"People who actually left a long time ago anyway.
I remember.
I'm working so HARD to uncover that voice again, to strengthen myself so much that I trust myself to say things in love. To be a grown up and recognize that I need to speak my mind. To know some will come and go. Others will decide flippantly that their opinions matter more to them than mine. Their opinions of me are NONE of my business. I keep speaking to people who don't care, chopping down my message, those who do care will miss the words I do have to say. Time for me to show up in fullness. Time for me to love you whether you love me back, or not.
I'm sorry for squelching my message. I'm sorry for keeping my mouth shut.I'm endeavoring to open it again.
I love watching everyone purge their stuff! I've been doing this for a while and realizing I never really talk about it.
What's the purpose of purging?
To me, it creates space in my brain to think. It allows me to let go of the past and look towards the future. It forces me to regain some of myself I've kept bound up in things.
It's important as you let go of things to fill that "space" with positive emotions, through prayer. Jesus Himself said that as a house gets cleaned, the demons that used to officially l occupy that space will get their friends and come back to live, unless you fill it with something else. Otherwise put, "nature abhors a vacuum."
For you who have been engaging in KonMari purging, what ideas or things are you going to fill your space with so you are in control and you allow in and out what comes your way?
