This pretty much sums up how I feel! Hahah!
Feeling pretty excited about 2020, and I took a very brave (for me) step today! I intend for it to not be the last time this year I take that step. Thank God for tools and resources to help me feel calm, when I do hard things!
As I'm cranking things out, I reflect on the gravity of the next few weeks. In the next few weeks, we'll buy a house and a car, probably a lot of other things like a grill, towels, furniture, and window treatments.
We'll find a new store, a new hairdresser, meet neighbors, and go to new churches and chapels. It's all gonna be different. Thanking God for grounding and stability in Him, through all these changes. He is so good, and His love never changes.
So for today, I'm hiding in Him. He is my fortress and strength, and a very present help in time of trouble. He is enough!!!
What are you doing today? What are you feeling wonky about, that I can encourage you in or pray for you about?
Ringing in the New Year in PA with a little life-restoring (totally not even remotely alcoholic) beverage I have been drinking faithfully since 2013! I can tell when I don't have it! My body misses it! ❤️ this drink. Like, true love!
Now that I'm back in the US and can replenish more quickly than when I was in Germany, I am treating myself to more, ESPECIALLY as I near 50!!! WHAAAATTTT
Yep. Friday I have that big birthday! 50 is the new 30! But I'm not having more kids. 😂
What's the jar and the roller for? Weeeellll, I am back to running, and have been crushing the hills out here! My hips and ankles are feeling it!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR! The 2020s are going to be EPIC!!!
Now that I'm back in the US and can replenish more quickly than when I was in Germany, I am treating myself to more, ESPECIALLY as I near 50!!! WHAAAATTTT
Yep. Friday I have that big birthday! 50 is the new 30! But I'm not having more kids. 😂
What's the jar and the roller for? Weeeellll, I am back to running, and have been crushing the hills out here! My hips and ankles are feeling it!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR! The 2020s are going to be EPIC!!!
When I started teaching in 2010, I did so for super noble reasons. I was so EXCITED to serve God and use my brain. I didn't know why He would give me one, if I weren't going to use it, and I didn't think I would use one at home with my small kids. This blog is all about how I proved myself wrong!!! Flat wrong.
Read more...The reason I looked for my job in 2010, my Christian School teaching job, the one that almost killed me, was that I needed to feel like I wasn't missing anything. I needed to feel like I was able to parent AND to contribute to society. I really was having a hard time finding meaning in my days, and I thought the issue was that I needed to be working outside the home.
I really felt nobly about getting a job. I thought I was helping families to have as close to a homeschool experience as possible, while also being able to have someone else do it. I actually convinced myself of something noble - that I was providing a homeschool education for families who couldn't homeschool. The reality was I was making our own life way harder than necessary, and putting ourselves in a position where we needed to receive the same thing I was providing for people.
So what was at the root of all this? Impatience, doubt, a small vision, lack of faith. I seem to be thinking of Abraham and Sarah, as they contemplated how in the world they were going to recognize the promise of God. They didn't see how it would come to play, and they felt the clock ticking.
For me, it was not knowing how I could make it through seeming endless days of mothering tiny kids. I felt empty. I definitely felt the long days. I felt like I was missing out. And it hurt so much. I mean, my husband was fulfilled in his job, what about me? Ugh, I just remember so much emptiness.
But then only a month or two later, I was TOO busy. And I still felt empty. And now I felt angry, too. I was SO angry. What was the answer? What a debacle. How could I have life and feel such emptiness?
You know what made this worse? I am (was) a believer! I have been loving God for a long time! And I thought I was supposed to have a purpose. I can't explain how empty I felt, considering I was walking with Christ, I just know that I was empty. And I didn't know how to walk with purpose without something to take my focus. Idleness was definitely an enemy.
So rather than try to figure out how to deal with that idleness, I interpreted the idleness that I obviously needed something to do, rather than doing the something I had, a little better.
So, the way I decided to handle it was to heap more burdens on myself. That was definitely wrong. I will go into what happened next, in subsequent posts. I can feel the intense pain again. Please walk with me through to the other side of this terror.
This intensely emotional story gets worse before it gets better. Part of the reason I'm here is I don't want you to go through what I did. Maybe you aren't facing the exact circumstances I was. But I want to help you find the meaning inherent in your life. I believe what Christ says about His yoke being easy, and His burden being light.
As I moved to that point, it was hard. But those excruciating experiences cemented my lessons. I never wanted to be in that place again. And I'm going to share with you what I did to ensure that.
We are in the middle of an overseas move, and everything has been going fantastically smoothly, until we arrived in Ramstein AFB today to take our overseas flight home.
For the first time, we encountered challenges in getting back. There was a young couple traveling with us, and they have two very young children. They are going on to Alabama upon arriving back, and really want to get back for Christmas.
I really felt compelled to model something different, not to tell her how to live, but to show her another way to live.
This whole scenario caused me to really want to evaluate what really matters, and what is really in our control. What really matters to me is that we're safe and not stressed, and that we recognize God really is dictating where we are and what we are doing.
Then I decided this model was for me. It was really important for me to savor these moments for my family, and remember that my integrity really comes down to how I act even when no one is watching. Now, plenty of people have been watching and how I carry myself and think about my situation does matter. But more important is what I do, JUST because.
So, I embraced taking this day as it comes. As a result, some powerful things happened. We got to see a friend, who took me to the commissary. We made plans to have dinner tomorrow with friends. We watched "Die Hard," which I had never seen before! We had a nice dinner, and I got to completely reconfigure our suitcases. We chatted with a bunch of friends.
It was a poignant day just because we practiced paying attention. I will do that again, because this day has been filled with such meaning! And I believe we got to teach our kids a lesson I wasn't ready to learn at that age, a lesson in gratitude, and making the most of every situation.
